A little late but better late than never, right? I mean, I wasn’t even going to post, but then…
And you get a short story I just wrote five minutes ago. Awesome, right? It’s poorly edited but I decided to get this out there because if I waited to long, I’d chicken out and not post this ridiculous thing…
Anyway, I hope you appreciate it. Cause I really might chicken out and archive this.
Oh, content warning for someone mentioning thirst in romance context….I think?
It really was Hyunoo’s fault, or so James claimed.
But the vampire had just been sitting there, in their shared living room, eating hot sauce like it was some kind of smoothie, chugging the thing down with the occasional tomato.
“Doesn’t that burn?” James asked, fascinated by his housemate’s ability to eat sriracha and tomatoes without gagging at the combination or dying at the spice.
Hyunoo had only stared at him and continued to eat away at the tomatoes. “Don’t you have a date soon?” he’d said instead, as if that would curb James’ fascination.
“I thought all vampires drunk blood…”
Hyunoo, who didn’t have razor sharp canines like James had thought vampires would, only hissed at him. “Stop bringing your misconceptions at my door.” Then, he continued with his hot sauce and tomatoes, sinking into the couch.
“Man,” James said instead, curbing around the back of the couch to bounce next to his so-called friend. “I want to know more about vampires. It’s so stinkin’ cool…”
“Please shut up.”
James edged closer to Hyunoo, whimpering silently. “Aww, come on, bro…you know you want to tell me all the juicy details about the vampire community…”
Hyunoo barred his teeth at him when James grafted himself onto his shoulder. “Are you really going to wear that to your date with Siti?”
Self-conscious all of a sudden, James pulled away to look at his casual jeans and mostly-clean green polo shirt. “Why…this is what I always wear? Siti said I didn’t need to dress up for her…we’re going bowl—”
He paused only because he’d caught Hyunoo smirking as he threw the last tomato into the fire and started squeezing the sriracha bottle into his mouth.
They were both just staring at each other…two men in a room, one a vampire and one a human getting ready for a date.
James’ brown eyes sparkled. “Wow…” he whispered, leaning back from his friend. “Your relationship with that sriracha bottle just makes me realize…like. Have you ever noticed that you can replace a romantic partner with hot sauce?”
The vampire did a double take at that and choked, the hot sauce squeezing all over the leather couch and his face. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Seriously,” James continued, suddenly fascinated by his own epiphany. “Your lips are on fire…not cause of kissing but because you ate too much hot sauce.”
He pointed at Hyunoo, who had grabbed a napkin from the shelf next to the fireplace and was now wiping his face. “Your face was red…because of hot sauce. Something burned in your chest…because of hot sauce!!”
“Why…why did I have to get stuck with such an idiotic human?” Hyunoo muttered and threw the napkin into the fire.
Oh, but James wasn’t done.
“Your heart beats too fast, your brain is mush and you can only think of one thing, you feel thirsty—”
“You have to stop…now.”
And fortunately, James did have to stop because the doorbell rang.
“Come in!!!” James shouted from the living room, his voice carrying across the hallway to the entrance.
It was probably Siti, coming to be picked up by James (an odd sort of relationship those two had, Hyunoo always thought). And she did indeed enter the house and then the living room to see her boyfriend sitting in a sriracha-stained couch and his housemate in front of the shelves, looking as if he wanted a stake driven through his heart.
“What…happened?” She blinked, her eyes turning to Hyunoo for explanation.
The vampire’s narrow eyes only turned to James. “Your boyfriend compared you to hot sauce,” he monotoned, then shook his head and stalked out of the living room.
James grinned at Siti when she frowned at him, confused and perhaps a little aback. “Uh…cause you’re spicy,” he attempted.
There was a sigh, from Siti, and she shook her head and held out her hand to help her boyfriend up. “I can’t believe we’re actually going out.” She sighed again and dragged him outside. “Come on, let’s go bowling, chicken nugget.”
They did, indeed, head towards James’ car (well, technically Hyunoo’s but the vampire had let James borrow it to get him out of the house).
“Wait, Siti…why a chicken nugget?”
“Do you not eat chicken nuggets with hot sauce? If I’m hot sauce, then you’re a nugget.”
“But then we’re just meals waiting to be—”
“I will do that.”
I had an epiphany, okay?
AND I’M NOT WRONG ABOUT HOT SAUCE, NOW, AM I???
LIKE…hot sauce also makes you FEEL things no other sauce can!! It’s the only sauce and hard to maintain a relationship with but SO worth it!!
Okay…I’ll stop before I freak the lot of you too much.
Also, if you’re wondering who these characters are, they’re of no particular universe but I do have like…one or two other interactions between them in mind. My idiotic human, his human girlfriend, their friend group, and Hyunoo the Korean vampire who hates the fact that James and his family basically adopted him as the crabby uncle/brother/grandfather/dad…
Anyway. Hope you who have seen this enjoyed whilst it was posted. Bye!!
©Lemon Duck, 2021. All rights reserved.