My poem today is a little bit…well, sad, I suppose. Not your usual Lemony philosophy. More in the vein of “Grace,” I suppose but perhaps less hopeful? But you can be the judge of that.
So it’s the second-to-last Saturday for NaPoWriMo month and we’re onto Day 18!
As you can see, the prompt is magician, inspired by The Magician’s Nephew by C.S. Lewis and possibly one of my favorites out of the Narnia books. Either my first or second favorite…it depends on my mood.
Anyway, just as a slight warning, the poem is…a slight bit sad. Looks like it has little to do with magicians, but…well, you’ll see, I guess.
Foolish and broken one
Why do you hide yourself?
Is the pain too raw to acknowledge?
Is your heart hurting in numbness?
You dream and strive to be humble
Remind yourself of your own worth
I’m good, but not too good
I’m broken, but enough to be saved
You see your soul and understand
Even with all the right words
You’re worthless and foolish and broken
Never good enough to earn love
But smile, it was all your fault
Smile, don’t speak of your flaws
You kept it hidden in the end
This petty pain is nothing but your guilt
How you wish to beg for forgiveness
To those who casted you aside
I didn’t cry, I didn’t frown
But you still raged inside
How you never cried and spoke
How strong and good you were!
But they saw through that false mask
And saw your rotted core
So now with hidden magic
That your soul could only repress
You revealed to them your evil self
And ran from your bitter deed
So weak and worthless that you were
Your anger spilled uncontrolled
Those petty thoughts of being unloved
Were phantoms, after all
They loved, were busy, and couldn’t talk
Why waste time on me, a spare?
Indeed why rage at those who cared
Though they never saw your self
But still you stew in anger
Hated by any who see you
And you know you deserve it all
Yet you curse them still
Loved, perhaps, but so uncared
Because of the nothing good inside you
So why try virtue when you fail
Why keep the power in?
No!! You will not cry, you should not cry
The wounds inside you heal
Mere scratches of your overthinking
Calm that angry sea!
Be alone and leave alone
You’ll never earn their love
For now deception and a curse
Are tied to your useless name
They loved you, fool, they truly did
It was you who could never see it
Blind, weak power, talentless
So you’ll survive inside the shadows
But if only there was a little way
I could turn back the clock
To make it right, not go astray
Keep love locked in a box
Now I have no chance, no change
I’m too far gone in evil
Regrets and pain are out of range
I’m fine, and I always will…
I’m not sure if I’ve captured the mental failings of someone who was never cared for enough or never received any affirmation BUT who was truly loved by those who just didn’t have time for him.
And perhaps you’ve felt this way before, how you’re a burden and not worth spending time with. Or, “psht, stop thinking they don’t spend time with me or that I’m worthless!” “They love me, I’m just being petty!”
Maybe even…”Yeah, they’re too busy to see something I’m proud of. I mean, it’s not like it’s anything important. Just a drawing or a really good photo, they wouldn’t care.”
I reallyyyyy wish to stress that God sees it–gifted you with whatever brings you healthy and GOOD pleasure–even if no one else cares. Even so, we crave for another human to care for us.
Heh…well, it’s a little hard to say all in an end blurb, so I’ll stop with that. I actually wrote this to the protagonist of my book (who is, by the way, a wizard).
Just remember, God sees and loves you! 🙂
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